Your November 2023 Mobile Newsletter

November 2023

Kia ora!

As we’re approaching two years of living here in Aotearoa New Zealand, my spouse and I have been looking back on photos we’ve taken since we arrived. Lots of thoughts go through our minds while poring through them, although when looking at pictures taken during the first few months of being here, it also brings back some of the unsettling feelings of being unsure about our decision at the time, the doubts we naturally wondered about moving across the ocean and to another hemisphere, and the overall new-ness of living in a new-to-us country.

As we kept going through our photos, we realized that one of the main reasons that helped us feel more at ease and started to make the land of the long white cloud feel more like home was connecting with communities of people, via work or leisure, and the close friendships we have created with a few people. We do feel quite lucky that we’ve been able to gain a handful of close friends in such a seemingly short period of time, although some of it has to do with who we often find ourselves around (i.e. work) and, whether it works or not, a lot more of simply putting yourself out there when trying to connect with people. Long story short, it’s a bit daunting to make new friends as an adult and I hope sharing our journey to making new connections (or renewing them) is helpful to those moving here.

As always, feel free to reach out if there is a particular topic you’d like to hear more about. We’re here to help.

Elizabeth
Newsletter Editor

New Country, New Connections: Making Friends as an Adult

After the initial surprised reaction we’d receive when telling family and friends we were moving to New Zealand, often the next comment they’d make would be, “But you don’t know anyone there!” Although that was true – we moved here not knowing anyone other than the lovely team at Mobile Relocation including our Hamilton-based Resettlement Advisor – it was the least of our worries when we had many other reasons occupying our brains regarding an international move. While moving here with a life partner meant we each had a built-in buddy, in time we realized we missed making a connection with others. Looking back at our progression of making friends, I realised there were a few main ways we went about filling our “friendship bucket” as adults.

Start small. As an introvert who gets my energy from spending time alone, I’m naturally inclined to staying away from socialising with others. Even so, I know that being around people is beneficial for my mental health, especially when you’re getting settled in a new location that requires you to branch out and make connections. Saying hello to neighbors, even if it’s for something as simple as swapping mail that is delivered incorrectly, is a great place to start. After that, we found our “third place” that we enjoy spending time at: our local public walkway that passes through multiple playgrounds and community gathering spaces. What’s a “third place” location? Think of it as a public space “living room” or “family lounge” where you can hang out and either participate directly by chatting with people or indirectly by simply being around others. (Read more about the definition of “third places” here and starter article here). This can be anything from a gym to a coffee shop, or a church, or public library, and more.

Stick with a routine. Whether for work or leisure, go to places on a schedule. (Of course, for all fellow women, be mindful and change it up when you can if an interaction is questionable.) I know it may seem silly to include your workplace here, although considering how much time we spend with others while at work, this environment is definitely a way to make connections with people who already share a similar interest if not routine. As for leisure, maybe there’s a “third place” you go to with semi-regularity, like the quintessential example of a cafe. Like when doing most things on a schedule, you start to notice the patterns of who is at the cafe at the same time, worker or patron, and can begin to connect with others this way as well. I completely understand that striking up a conversation with someone new can be daunting, although to be honest, making adult friends is similar to dating – you just gotta put yourself out there. Even if that initial contact doesn’t go anywhere, to us it’s worth trying to “cast a wide net” to find people with whom we click.

Be yourself. Of course this phrase can be used in multiple ways and while I’m sure you’ve all heard it to varying degrees while growing up, I truly mean it as a mantra that should be applied to your interests and making friends as an adult. Whether you’re new to New Zealand or a returning Kiwi expat who’s been away for a while, joining a club of some kind of activity you enjoy is a surefire way to connect with others.. While we have many varied interests between my husband and I, I’m the only one who’s joined an actual club – our local auditioned choir – and I can definitely say it’s had more of a positive impact on me than all the other loose associations we have. While it’s taken some time to get to know my fellow choristers (I was the only American there for a while, it was very easy for the director to jokingly pick on me because of my occasional “singing accent”), it has definitely filled my cup to be part of this group and belong to the built-in community by being a member.

Shared interests aside, simply being ourselves has brought us more satisfaction these days. While this is sometimes still easier said than done, as we’ve gained more life experience, we’ve realised that we’d rather have friendships with people where we can be ourselves instead of pretending to be someone else. If you get the chance to be true to yourself with the new connections you make as you move to a new country, I gently and wholeheartedly encourage you to do so.

Related links:

Are you thinking of moving to Aotearoa NZ or will be arriving in the near future? Check out which local councils are involved in the Welcoming Communities Programme – scroll down to find links to specific council websites that have additional resources and information for people moving to their regions

While your feelings about using Facebook may range anywhere between “love it” to “hate it”, I’m here to let you know that many New Zealanders love Facebook and use it as a way of meeting people in their communities. Example? One of our friends didn’t have any contacts before moving here and met an elder gentleman on a niche community Facebook group who was willing to accept the shipment of their belongings before they arrived – they’ve been friends ever since

Need more of a pep talk about moving to New Zealand? Check out this article that lists nine reasons why you should move to a new city or country.

The Great Kiwi “Day Walk” – Tongariro Alpine Crossing

If you start looking online at lists of the “great day walks ” of New Zealand, you’re more than likely to find the Tongariro Alpine Crossing mentioned practically every time. My triathlon-enjoying husband had been poring through these lists for a while and decided we had to give it a go, especially with it being less than three hours away from our home in Hamilton. Convincing a couple of friends to come along, he gave us all the basic details: it’s a one-way trail that is 19.4 km (12 mi) long with a 750-metre ascent (less than 2500 ft), a 1100-metre descent (over 3600 ft), and that it should take seven to eight hours to complete. Even though one particular Google review made us laugh – “beautiful view I gotta admit, however the journey devastated my legs and soul…[this is] merely my personal opinion so go ahead at your own risk :-)” – it also made us pause and take our preparations more seriously.
During late January, we stayed in the nearby town of National Park, a 20-minute drive from the trailhead. Before arriving, we had previously settled some logistics: while you can walk the crossing for free with a trail booking, you will need to pay for car parking and the included shuttle service if you’re doing the full crossing (see links at the end). We also continually checked the weather forecast, and even though the low clouds that morning were concerning, we knew there would be sunshine and little to no wind at the top – even so, we made sure to pack for all conditions because the weather on a mountain can be mercurial.

While a worthy and stunning hike, it’s also breathtaking in more ways than one – the Tongariro Alpine Crossing has uniquely beautiful scenery and it’s also not for the faint hearted! Starting at 6:00 am, it took us nine hours to complete, which included multiple rest stops, many moments to pause and take in the scenery, and stop for a refreshingly hour-long lunch near the top while admiring Blue Lake. Even though photos of the volcanic alpine landscape may not look that appealing on a screen, the views and depth you experience are extraordinarily more impressive in person. If you’re up to the challenge and are willing to prepare, it’s definitely worth experiencing at least once in your lifetime.

Want to read more?

The DOC website has the majority of the details you’d want to know and should know before going, including a required-although-free booking to access the trail – currently there is no cap on the number of people allowed on the trail although that may change in the future if the local environment starts to suffer from too much foot traffic

If you don’t pore through the details of the DOC website, I’d highly recommend at least watching this video from NZ Mountain Safety Council (7 minutes) – the visuals will give you a better idea of the scale and length of undertaking this particular day walk and how both magnificent and serious it can be

Truly interested in giving it a go? Make sure to book a spot at the car park, too – while you have to pay for this, the shuttle ride to the start of the one-way track is included

What if you want to still visit Tongariro National Park but enjoy less strenuous tracks? Pop over to the park’s DOC website , scroll down, then search the walks by duration and difficulty – easy peasy!

Local Lingo #1: Keen

While I, as a North American, technically speak the same English language as people do here, it sometimes takes me a few moments to completely understand what New Zealanders are saying. Even though I know and use the same words that are coming out of their mouths, they’re sometimes being used in quite different contexts than I'm used to hearing them. Two of these more commonly used positive words are keen and choice.

When used in a question, keen is equivalent to being interested in something. When used as a response, it means to be enthusiastic about doing the said thing.
“We wanna hike the Tongariro Alpine Track. Are you keen?” (translation: Do you want to go?)
“Yeah, I’m keen!” (translation: Yeah, let’s do it/I want to go)

Local Lingo #2: Choice

While the word can definitely refer to your pick when choosing something, choice is also colloquially used to mean “good” or “cool”, similarly to the phrase “sweet as”.

“Hey, we made the track bookings for next month!”
“Oh choice!” (translation: Oh that’s awesome!)